Resident blogger and typically knowledgable Scandy Petra Sakkinen officially brings in the Gaffer Christmas with quite frankly the best thing we have ever been sent. If you're looking for something to read your children on Christmas Eve as you put them to bed with a mince pie left out for Santa, then look no further. Petra, we salute you. xx
‘Twas the gameweek before Christmas, when all through the halls;
Three Gaffers were busy preparing their balls;
The lineups were set on their apps with such care,
With dreams of no-clicks; how would they fare?
The Gafferazzi were eager, with every new stage;
Donating their money to the Patreon page;
With Tom drinking ale, Rum de Jeremy for Ash;
Craig was now absent; he’d gone for a slash.
When out in the street there arose such a noise;
Was it Father Christmas with a bag full of toys?
The Gaffers sprang over to the window so quick;
And to their dismay it was not old St. Nick.
‘Twas a group of loud people, it looked like a mob
“Hey!” shouted Tom, “Try shutting your gob!”
When from the throng came the pod’s biggest fan;
It was the legend himself! It was Dom Monaghan!
Craig had emerged, with a now empty bladder;
Asking the others why there’s such a clatter.
When in through the door came Dom oh so quick;
The Gaffers closed in, and shouted their picks.
Pick Sanchez! Pick Zaha! Vardy! Delaney!
Or Costa! Llorente! Payet! Not Fellaini!
You could go Sterling! Pogba? Hell no!
Or for some really good value: Defoe!
Little Dommie Mon was loving these calls;
Christmas come early? He’d soon post his balls.
For him and his team, he sure loved this meeting;
Before long came questions, Gafferazzis were tweeting.
“Who goes in goal?” said the man from Pimp Shuei;
Then in from Stimmers: “what forward to play?”
Some advice from Channers, helping the meek
Then from Doncaster with a mad email this week.
“They win without Allis! And with no Perezes!
They win without Wallcotts, Lallanas! Sanchezes!
They get all these points! Where is my glory?”
Uh, sorry Sakkers, that’s the wrong Christmas story.
But Dom wasn’t here for just a quick visit;
He was buying t-shirts, mugs, and a trivet;
Alright maybe that last one isn’t merchandise;
But buy those things now! And what a good price!
You’ll look stylish and awesome, but it won’t help your rank;
For products like these don’t mean a no-click wank.
Perhaps points come when geography is handy;
To be born in top 10! Those bloody Scandys!
“Time for a quiz?” asked Tom with some hope;
With a shrug Dommie Mon turned to him and said “nope.”
“I’ve got places to be, and I’ve got roles to play;
Maybe I’ll head on down to Pimp Shuei.”
The rosters were set, the deadline was nigh;
The Gaffers reminded as they said their goodbye.
And the Gaffers soon tweeted to fans home and abroad
Merry Christmas to all, from your award-winning pod.
by Petra Sakkinen