January Transfer Round up by Chuck Bailey

Chuck Bailey is a Gaffer Tapes listener, palace fan, bar owner and manager of FPL contenders Ozil Gummidge. If you would like to see your blog here then contact us at info@thegaffertapes.com

So much like Donald Trump’s going back and forth on himself, this #FPL season has been equally unpredictable. My own performance has been pretty shocking (around 500th) as I have failed to jump on cheap bandwagons (Vardy & Mahrez), and stayed far too certain players would come good (Bloody Adama Traore and Firmino in the past!).

Therefore I (much like Craig Hazell on Korean Childrens Volleyball 3rd Division) am gonna gamble the rest of the season on very low Percentage picks to desperately try to ascend to the dizzying heights of 400 (Oh to only be an #8ClickWanker). Therefore with the January transfer window comes the perfect time to do that.

So here is a small selection of players I will be bringing in with a few reasons too, as well as a few ones to watch that have been transferred or returning from injury. Enjoy!

1) Charlie Austin (FWD) – Southampton – 7.0m – 0.8% picked.
This one was a no brainer for me and he was straight in, and captained in my team. Southampton has a great team that have under-performed a bit this year. But if this guy could score 18 goals and get 8 assists for QPR when they were in the prem, imagine what he can do for the rest of the season.
He does have a history for getting injured, but then again so does Aguero but no one ever has concerns putting him in their team (and he’s almost twice the price at 13.5m).

2) Benik Afobe (FWD) – Bournemouth – 6.1m – 0.5% picked.
Another player that went straight into my team has rewarded me with 2 goals in his first 3 games. Not bad considering he’s playing his first games in the prem. A young, fast powerhouse to fill in the gap for pace up front that Bournemouth have been crying out for this season after Callum Wilson seemingly died a million years ago. Much Like Austin for QPR two seasons ago, he’s the main target man and could add plenty to his tally before the end of the season.

3) Emmanuel Adebayor (FWD) – Crystal Palace – 5.8m – 0.3% picked.
Right hear me out on this one…guys? GUYS?
Those of you still reading are obviously the ones who stay to listen to the quiz at the end of every podcast and for that I salute your persistence, much like Ade salutes Sherwood to his doom.
As a Palace fan I know we have been crying out for a striker all year long (Frazier Campbell FML). Someone with pace, that’s big, and can still bang in a goal would be perfect for our wing play.
Add to that the fact that Yannick Bolasie will be back very soon (another to watch out for), I think Adebayor can easily get at least 7 goals by the end of the year, if not I’ll put #FPL dickhead in my Twitter for next year.

4) Fraser Forster (GK) – Southampton – 4.8m – 0.6% picked.
Most transfers this window have been all about getting strikers into the team, so in the interest of mixing it up I figured why not bring back an old stalwart of mine in Forster. Doesn’t play a game all season through injury, three games back, three clean sheets. ‘Nuffsaid really.
Although it is worth noting that with him back to bring stability to the saints back line, might be worth looking at another Southampton defender to make the most of it.

5) Jonjo Shelvey (MID) – Newcastle United – 5.3m – 2.1% picked.
He may have thrown his toys out of his pram towards the end of his stay at Swansea, but I still rate him as quite a good player to mix it up for Newcastle. With service from Wijnaldum and options up front such as, Perez, Mitrovic & now Doumbia (Another one to watch), I have a feeling Newcastle will start to score quite a few more goals…They’ll still let in a shit load though as their defence has more holes than a sponge, but who cares about that…

Others to watch out for:
Seydou Doumbia (FWD) – Newcastle United – 6.5m – 0% picked
Yannick Bolasie (MID) – Crystal Palace – 6.0m – 3.1% picked (returns 13th February)
Alexis Sanchez (MID) – Arsenal – 10.9m (his lowest value) – 11.8% picked
Costel Pantilimon (GK) – Watford – 4.7m – 0.7% picked
Giannelli Imbula (MID) – Stoke – 5.0m (18.3m spent real life!) – 0% picked (available 6th February)
Juan Iturbe (MID) – Bournemouth – 5.5m – 0.1% picked (It’ll happen eventually Craig!)

And there you have it my rundown of how to mess up your team in 2016!

If you feel the need for some alcohol after that then come visit my bar PimpShuei in central London. If you come down and tell me how much of a #ClickWanker you are, I’ll buy you your first beer and maybe even a TOBLERONE!!! Easy as that.


Plus we’ve got Arcade games to play (including Time Crisis and Street Fighter 2) and Kickass Kung Fu movies on vintage screens. Here’s the link to our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pimpshuei/?fref=ts) so come check us out and I’ll see you all soon!