Petra Säkkinen ponders the 10 types of Fantasy Premier League Managers... which one are you?
You think you know FPL? Let me tell you that everything you know means nothing in contrast to the nerd-type of FPL manager. Don’t try to sneak any players under the radar against the nerd, as they’ve already picked up that 3 million defender at Watford who just came in on a transfer from FK Qarabag. This kind of manager lives for FPL, as evidenced by the laundry list of leagues they are a part of. There’s nothing the nerd doesn’t know by way of BPL news with the 20 different apps on their phone. Bony’s missing next weekend due to a hangnail, but don’t worry; the nerd knew this weeks ago.
There are two FPL managers on this list who simply don’t care for the results at the end of the season and Family Man is happily one of them. For him FPL is an escape from the wife, kids, and dog. There’s no screaming and picking up vomit in the car on the way to Alton Towers for Family Man as the solace of retreating to FPL is always reassuring. He treasures the league and interactions with other managers. It’s not about the result, but the acceptance of other football fans. No external forces to ruin his team, nobody to drain the fun, nothing can take away Family Man’s escape to fantasy (premier league).
We all know who the lazy person is. They have no idea what they’re doing in a league, select players to their team that appear to be of best value or common pick, and let it sit. They’re just along to say they’re in a league, occasionally chatting people up via social media or by the water cooler at work, and on the odd chance they have a good week by pure coincidence they’ll never know. This type of manager is still a football fan. They love to watch and are eager for the weekend in front of the telly, but when it comes to FPL they’ve got as much presence in 16/17 as Adam Johnson.
A team more inconsistent than Steve McClaren’s hairstyle belongs to the Redknapp of your FPL league. They like their team and will hit “confirm” after some tinkering, but not after taking 40 points worth of hits to transfer player after player in and out. The Redknapp will be seen in his car desperately trying to bring Leroy Fer in because he’s had a hot week and transferring Costa out because he had one week with 2 points as Captain. At the end of the day you’ll be left wondering who would be self-harming as to biting multiple transfer point reductions, and this is the manager.
Triple-captained Lukaku before scoring a hat-trick? Henderson cycled in off the bench before scoring a screamer? Paying barely anything for a goalkeeper that goes on a 5 clean sheet streak? That team you see week-in and week-out belongs to the manager with a golden horseshoe somewhere. These type of managers know they’re lucky, and the rest of us in the league just have to wait for that good fortune to come our way. The bench never has a player outscore someone in their starting XI and almost always is in the running for most points of the week. A few weeks of being this kind of manager can save a season.
This kind of FPL manager is one of the worst ones you’ll come across. For Blood Pressure, nothing can be taken too seriously and there’s no line they won’t cross. This kind of manager is a cross between John Terry and Stuart Pearce: angry and bitter over some of the smallest things. They’ll go so far as to spit personal insults after a game week of only 14 points to your 75. It’s never their fault. Bad calls, scored are tallied wrong, whatever the case may be; Blood Pressure definitely sucks the air out of what is a fun atmosphere.
The other FPL manager you’ll come across who doesn’t care how their season turns out is the Comedian. Every league needs a Comedian to brighten the spirits of others: they offer jokes about their poor performance which helps lift the confidence of others. This is the kind of manager who can give and take abuse like a champion, usually resulting in a few laughs on the way. They often have the greatest team names and maintain collective interest of the league as week 37 rolls around. The Comedian is the avocado of the league managers: something different and just about everyone likes them.
“What do you mean there was a Friday match?” Yes, the Workhorse is the kind of manager who wants to enjoy FPL as much as they can but the trials and tribulations of real life hurt more than Stekelenburg punching an own-goal and sinking your defensive points for that week. Workhorse doesn’t have the time to update lineups, look up transfers, or even find out that Frank Lampard is no longer in England. This kind of manager has no clue what players their team has, and their 8-year-old son likely is running the team on a borrowed iPad.
This poor soul bleeds whatever colours his hometown has and judging from the scores each week on FPL, it doesn’t faze Football Factory. This manager allows inner bias to cloud judgement and will refuse to even consider a rival club’s top point scorer. If it was not for the cap on the amount of players a FPL team can have from one club, you can be assured there would be a starting XI eerily similar to their club’s. Leaving 30 million in the bank is no issue for Football Factory, but blind faith has a price once week 10 rolls around and they’re clicking more than 15 times to find their team in the table.
Husband and wife
The husband and wife team are ever-present in any league. This is the FPL team that tries to go for cuteness and public displays of affection through team names or interactions. Unfortunately for the rest of the league, Husband and Wife distract from the actual football being played and use their team as a conversation starter. FPL isn’t about love or affection, it’s a welcome distraction from life and how mundane yours is. As the season goes on you begin to doubt whether the team was actually a joint decision or some marriage counselor just needed roster spots to be filled in their own league.
Written by: Petra Säkkinen
Follow Petra on twitter - @Persaukinen