Chips, Chips, Chips.

Like a modern day Oliver Twist, although probably less trampy, Johnny Worthington is asking for more... more chips.

 

This is my first ever blog for anything and I have decided to do one on the Gaffer Tapes website for you lucky peeps on the subject of Chips!

The last 2 years Fantasy Premier League has a number of chips that can be used throughout the season. The classic ‘Triple Captain’ where your captain gets x3 points for that game week. Then there is the handy ‘Bench Boost’ where potentially all your players can get you tonnes of points. And there is the shitty ‘All-out Attack’ which unless 3 of your 5 defenders aren’t playing, and all your midfielders and strikers are (by miracle), I think it’s just fucking pointless.

So I decided to do my Top 10 of what Chips I would like to see added to the FPL. (And I am sure after they read this it will happen..)

1) ‘VICE-CAPTAIN GETS DOUBLE POINTS TOO’ CHIP

If you keep a close eye to your team, 95% of the time your choice of captain will play. Yeah he might have a last minute injury, or dropped by suddenly getting explosive diarrhoea which point your Vice-Captain kicks in. With this chip BOTH your Captain and Vice-Captain will get double points for that game week!

Ash and Craig were determined to win the award for Best Fancy Dress at the annual Fantasy Football Convention.

Ash and Craig were determined to win the award for Best Fancy Dress at the annual Fantasy Football Convention.

2) ‘TWO FOR ONE’ CHIP

This one is easy to work out and would be really handy. You used your ‘Wildcard’ chip for a Double game week. Now you want to use your ‘Triple Captain’chip too. By clicking this chip you can! BINGO!

3) ‘OVERKILL’ CHIP

You play this bad boy, this is like ‘Bench Boost’ but on steroids. Every one of your 11 starting players get DOUBLE points! Yeah I want to aim to get 200 Points this game week and jump 400 places up the Gaffer Tapes League!

You can still join our mini-league and bring all your points over... people may hate you for it, but we won't. Well...

You can still join our mini-league and bring all your points over... people may hate you for it, but we won't. Well...

4) ‘GUARENTEED HEAD 2 HEAD WIN’ CHIP

Now then; I compete in a few head-to- head leagues, and one of them is with 15 other lads at my work place. There is one lad that is cocky as fuck. And man, he is also good! He studies who he is up against each game week and really studies his opponent. He taunts me whenever we go head to head. Even to the point of him using his ‘All-out- Attack’ chip knowing half his midfield is injured, and his attackers are chillaxing that game week, but still beats me. UGH. So this is when I would use this chip. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is, I get a guaranteed 3 points from the Head-to- Head game. Of course if he wins it legit he also gets the 3 points.

5) ‘DIRTY WEEKENDER’ CHIP

You got a team of Xhaka, Joey Barton, Costa, Rooney, Ibrahimovic, Mings, Vardy and Aguero. You know these bad ladz like playing Pokemon, as they want to collect as many cards they can. You also know all their fixtures are in local derbies. Plenty of tackles, punch-ups, hot heads etc. What do you do? You play ‘Dirty Weekender’ Chip. Instead of losing a point for each yellow card, and -3points for a red, this chip makes that negative to a positive symbol! Yeah boyz, get as many yellows and reds as ya want!! Of course the downside is if they get suspended for the following game weeks…..

Photoshop Skillz on POINT!

Photoshop Skillz on POINT!

6) ‘ARCH RIVAL’ CHIP

This chip is clever. Programmed into the FPL website it has each Premiership team having an arch-rival. Eg. Liverpool = Everton, Spurs = Arsenal, etc. Say in my fantasy team I have 3 Man City players, 2 Middlesbrough players and a Sunderland player. Man City are playing their arch rivals Man Utd. Middlesbrough are playing their rivals Sunderland for this game week. Those players will now get DOUBLE points for that Game Week. I have also 3 Everton players but as they are not playing Liverpool they don’t get the bonus.

7) ‘WALLERZ’ CHIP

Because he is such a legend with the Gaffer Tapes, as soon as you put him into your Fantasy Footy team you are credited with 100 points. Brilliant you think! However; because he doesn’t play much (90minutes this season so far) he is kind of a dead weight in your team and is filling one of your 15 slots. But the biggest thing is as soon as you transfer him out you lose 200 points! Traitor!!!

Where's Wallerz?... I don't know, I can't see him, he's in fucking camouflage!

Where's Wallerz?... I don't know, I can't see him, he's in fucking camouflage!

8) ‘KAMAKAZZEE/HUGE BALLS’ CHIP

Now, realistically I can’t see this one being used much, but I want to have 10 chips so fuck it. You play this chip and all your points become negative that game week. Why would you play this mad chip??!! Just to show you got MASSIVE HUGE BALLS.

“Hey Craig, Tom & the other one. None of you played your KAMAKAZZEE chip this season. I did. I still beat you in the Gaffer Tapes League. HAHAHA!”

You play this on a Double Game Week and still a less click Wanker than me, man you have proper #Balls!!!

9) ‘GAFFER TAPES’ CHIP

This is homage to the award winning team that is Craig Hazell, Tom Holmes and Ash Kernsworth. If any of your players in your team surname is Hazell, Holmes or Kernsworth then they are credited with 500 points. (At this moment in time there are NO players with any of those surnames so this chip is worth fuck-all, yet somehow more valuable than the ‘All-out Attack’, yes I really hate that chip).

It wasn't until after they developed this photograph that Richard Herring and Danny Dyer realised the ghost of Sue Perkins in the background.

It wasn't until after they developed this photograph that Richard Herring and Danny Dyer realised the ghost of Sue Perkins in the background.

10) The ‘I want that Bastard Chip again’ Chip

You click on this chip and then you can select a previous chip you already played this season. You get it back. Handy if you want to use a wildcard again before January, or there is two Double Game Weeks coming up in the month and want to ‘Triple Captain’ them each.

Well I hope you enjoyed reading this. I want to send love out to Tom, Craig and Ash, and to all my fellow Gafferazzi.

Johnny Boy ‘Worthers’

xxx

Follow Johnny on twitter here: @Red_spider81

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